Every Friday I lie about people. I lie in a good way hopefully. I try to encourage my followers on Twitter to appreciate the great folks that I appreciate.These are just a few of my long term regulars. One particularly Ben Hatch (the noted author and cheese smuggler of old Brighton town) gets more ridiculous lies told about him than any other.
This selection stretches back to this time in April of this year.
Martin the psychic swordfish says if you haven’t followed @notjustmum by tomorrow, the sun will fall out of the sky. But he’s a fish #FF
James Bond is a secret agent. @IGLivingstone Isn’t. He is everything else though. Which is better than 007. #FF
The celebrated travel writer Myles Fromanyware said the novels of @BenHatch are essential summer reads. Then he jumped off Beachy Head. #FF
Mildred Fancypants can play the flute and clarinet at the same time. Don’t think @pooblemoo can. We don’t care Mildred. So there. Nur. #FF
When Ivy Twittle wrote her famous children’s classic ‘Four Get Arrested’ the inspiration for ‘Nutty Betty’ was based on @SKtheWombelle #FF
Traffic warden Len Slyone garroted a sparrow last Thursday. @yeronlyman performed a citizens arrest snapping his stop sign in the melee. #FF
A wild & naked Marylou Bapps climbed the Brooklyn Bridge last week. @FemmeObtuseToo watched wearily as Marylou ascended in the buff #FF
In a shock development, @PGarrard was arrested on Theatre St Norwich yesterday. He was caught mooning at a bus load of Conservative MP’s #FF
Ted the hoopla hoop champion of Sudbury can keep four on the go. @notjustdad only managed two. But he’s a better tiddlywinker than Ted. #FF
Cyril Sidebottom the dancing butcher of Clayton can tango at county level. @AFowlerPhoto can only jig as a novice. We don’t mind. #FF
#FF @yeronlyman former Dundonald limbo champion (under 2ft). Now training for all Ireland hedge leaping championships. Up & down constantly.
#FF Major General Sir @BenHatch . Fought the Hampshire Reivers as they raided the Lanes. Victorious in the battle of Rottingdean. Hussar!!
#FF @FemmeObtuseToo Deep sea fishing expert. Fights at bantamweight in New York feather tickling league. Second only to Peacock McCarthy
#FF @PGarrard or Crusher Garrard as he’s known in the Norwich district grape treading circle. Always goes barefoot. Impeccable foot hygiene
#FF @PGarrard or Crusher Garrard as he’s known in the Norwich district grape treading circle. Always goes barefoot. Impeccable foot hygiene
#FF @pooblemoo former principal ballerina in the Dewsbury Royal Ballet. Now a bestselling internationally renowned inspiration.
#FF @SKtheWombelle the inspiration for Anne Hathaway’s portrayal of Batgirl. Bright, funny and follows me so must be worth following?!
#FF @notjustdad Former hitman for the Diddy men and bouncer at the ball pool in Ikea Croydon. http://www.rocknrail.blogspot.co.uk
#FF @notjustmum Former Vogue model, veteran of Paris fashion week and designer to the stars. Now resides behind a Mac or on the high seas
#FF @AFowlerPhoto The cover model for 1987 Mike’s Carpets summer sale extravaganza. Available with underlay and free fitting.
#FF Clancy Clutterbuck, Brigthon & Hove district council official mime artist, acts out the request for you to follow @BenHatch
#FF Hugo the amazing dancing sheep of North Walsham owes all his success to @PGarrard. No one can do the Tango quite like him not even Hugo!
#FF Aaron the Aardvark and Zack the Zebra think @FemmeObtuseToo has all the letters in between covered. So follow her from A to Z.
As I sit on this step in the hot sun I’m thinking why not follow @pooblemoo ? #FF well I already do, so obviously should you
#FF @IGLivingstone will dress up as Liberace and sing for you for just a tenner. Cheap at half the price I reckon.
Maurice the Singing Centipede included a tribute to @yeronlyman on his 1982 album – The Garden. The song is entitled – By the Rhubarb
#FF @notjustdad not to be confused with @notjustmum @notjustmum @notjustm…. Oh don’t start that nonsense again. http://www.rocknrail.blogspot.co.uk
#FF @notjustmum – @notjustmum @notjustmum @notjustmum @notjustmum @notjustmum @notjustmum @notjustmum @notjustmum @notjustmum. Got it?
#FF @SKtheWombelle like a fluffy wuffy kitten on a cuddly wuddly cushion. Sorry but THIS IS TOO MUCH!! Follow her she’s lovely like a..sorry
#FF @AFowlerPhoto In training for left back position with Denley Moor. Home match against Barnestoneworth Utd soon. Left back in the bus.
#FF @yeronlyman submarine captain (retired). Frequently found at the deep end of his local pool. Having detachment issues. Follow him
#FF @SKtheWombelle former backing singer for Val Doonican (during his punk phase). Played the Bewilderment stage at the 1982 Clacton Fest
#FF @FemmeObtuseToo New Jersey champion at blindfold darts. Well to be fair she was the only one left not injured or bleeding
#FF @pooblemoo used to sign photos for Madonna. Unfortunately @pooblemoo could spell which was a problem. A superstar in her own right! 😉
#FF @@IGLivingstone once taught Elvis the chords to My Old Mans a Dustman. Elvis Utterthwaite. What you thought I meant THE Elvis?
!#FF @BenHatch invented Grapefruit & Melon facial wash whilst tripping and landing face down in a fruit salad, having drank a bottle of gin
#FF @realtoadee Once danced naked for the Rothwell Towns women’s guild. His classical nymph excuse was quickly seen through. Follow him
#FF @notjustmum literary, video and internet design sensation. As crafty as a bus load of foxes.
#FF @notjustdad former exotic dancer and tanner. Always made his own leather goods.
#FF @AFowlerPhoto can often be found admiring Spear & Jackson no3’s in Butterworths hardware. Hangs round the rain gauge outside town hall.
#FF @BenHatch Mike the mystic cat foretold his phenomenal success. Dave the dancing pigeon wet himself in anticipation of his new book. Cool
#FF @PGarrard mind control, master of illusion and conjuring. He will know you are just about to follow him.
#FF @FemmeObtuseToo world champion rock paper scissors. Trains cats in sky diving and sings opera under water. Follow her
#FF @pooblemoo trains Starfleet recruits in flower arranging and macrame. Once swam with dolphins. Miami Dolphins that is.
#FF @yeronlyman a stunt double, fire eater and particle physicist. Grows GM crops for Wotsits.
#FF @notjustdad tug boat captain, champion juggler and breeder of racing squirrels. http://www.rocknrail.blogspot.co.uk
#FF @notjustmum cheerleader, prom queen and vampire slayer. Designs stuff too apparently.
#FF @AFowlerPhoto Prime Minister of Queensbury. Lord of all Denholme. Viceroy of Cullingworth. He may not be. But you aren’t are you?
#FF Grandad @notjustdad. Fine blog writer and picture taker, check out
#FF @FemmeObtuseToo kind words in a rainbow of utterances. Follow her one explores one
#FF @BenHatch test pilot for airfix. Modelled for subbuteo but couldn’t stand still long enough. Oh and writes a bit too.
#FF @yeronlyman fine chap well worth a follow. He will enhance your dull humdrum twitterexistence
#FF @IGLivingstone BoB the ridiculously talented musician/writer/wit. Check out http://www.ianlivingstone.org
#FF @notjustmum north of the river from me presently. Follow her wherever you are.
#FF @AFowlerPhoto greetings from the Ramsgate train. Follow him. He’s a nutcase amongst nutcases. Wibble
#FF I heard Colin the Kittiwake mutter somenthing about ‘The Road To Rouen’ by @BenHatch. Never trust a seabird. Go and buy it instead.
#FF Bernard the Wonder Badger recommends you follow @SKtheWombelle. If its good enough for Bernard then its good enough for you lot.
#FF Chad the sacred puma left the instructions -“Follow @FemmeObtuseToo” in the entrails of a woodland creature he’d devoured. Cool eh?
#FF @IGLivingstone Dennis the soothsayer pigeon cooed these words: “Follow Ian he’s great”. I am just the messenger. http://www.ianlivingstone.org
#FF @pooblemoo She encourages me to write which is a rare quality; especially as I’m a lazy writer. So follow her.
#FF @yeronlyman Mike the cosmic cat told me you should follow Breandan. It was in a dream. That is surely reason enough. Sceptics!
#FF @AFowlerPhoto when Clive of India did his thing, he was nowhere near. Pilots airships for Sultan of Brunei. Definitely worth a follow
#FF @notjustdad Centre forward for Inter Milan. F1 racing driver. Scuba diving teacher. Rocket scientist.
#FF @notjustmum a talented and creative designer, crafter blah blah blah. Oh just follow her and stop dithering
#FF @BenHatch directly descended from his ancestors. Writes about travels/family/cheese/life. A good read anytime. Buy his books. Go on.
#FF @IGLivingstone the man behind Belfast Stories. Twangs, plucks, taps and hums tunes. Talent bounding forth. Follow him
#FF @notjustdad follow him promptly and with good grace. He’s a top chap. And he’s older than he was recently. http://www.rocknrail.blogspot. co.uk
#FF @AFowlerPhoto taken from the foot of Mount Doom by a large bird with long talons. Not a hobbit. I’ve gone mad. Thank you.
#FF @notjustmum designer, crafter, thingy & stuff. Follow her she’s well you know ….. worth following.
#FF @BenHatch writes books (good ones). Keen on Fromage. Erm what else? Oh yeah. Follow him as he is a multi millionaire philanthropist.
#FF @FemmeObtuseToo we share many thoughts together. Come and join us. It may be fun.
#FF @PGarrard another top chap who I will also share a pint of Woodfordes with. Just need several lives to live up to my promises.
#FF @notjustdad wise words from a top chap. Many strings to his bow. Check out http://www.rocknrail.blogspot.co.uk
#FF @notjustmum she knew me when I was an awkward teenager. Now I’m a messed up much older teenager (never an adult). She’s the tops honest!
#FF @AFowlerPhoto almost the first person I followed on Twitter (after @stephenfry naturally). Still have no idea what he’s on about.
#FF @PGarrard the chief test pilot for the Starship Enterprise. In his mind. Or maybe just in my mind. Which is a weird mind. Mine not his.
#FF @realtoadee the Vulcan ambassador at the court of the King of Rothwell. Drives getaway library vehicles. Experienced pursuit librarian
#FF @BenHatch Sold his interests in the jam butty mines to fund a trip round the UK. Bye Jove he wrote a rather good book about it. Follow
#FF @yeronlyman Never dull Always worth A Follow & Check him out
#FF @IGLivingstone BoB. Follow him. What? I have to say more? Oh well check out http://www.ianlivingstone.org
#FF @SKtheWombelle chirpy sparky and a true sweetie. Follow the Wombelle.
#FF @pooblemoo bursting with creativity kindness and enthusiasm. Must be some there for you to share in. Follow my friend.
#FF @FemmeObtuseToo I Am Glad She follows Me. If you’re wise you should follow her too X
#FF @notjustdad preparing for life in the championship. Don’t worry some of us are grateful to be there.
#FF @notjustmum designer/crafter and creative smartly pants. But a really nice smartly pants.
#FF @AFowlerPhoto I’ve been up since 1.30am (dawn bat survey). Bet he hasn’t. Don’t let that stop following the slovenly lay-about
#FF @notjustmum designer, crafter and all round lovely person. Check out
#FF @notjustdad designer creative type all round good chap. Check out
#FF @IGLivingstone Cats don’t screech at his tunes. He can do words annoyingly well too. Curses! Oh just follow him.
#FF @yeronlyman another annoyingly talented creative types from Belfast. Must be something in the water…. Top chap, follow Breandan
#FF @BenHatch loosely related to Charlemagne. That is Ernie Charlemagne the 1958 champion leek grower from St Leonards. Naturally.
#FF @AFowlerPhoto if he was a ham, he’d be a Serrano. If he was a sausage he’d be a pork and apple. But that’s silly so follow him.
#FF @BenHatch Professor of Mindbending at the Cuckmere Institute of Irrational Thought. Plays spoons with the LSO.
#FF @SKtheWombelle Follow her because.. well.. oh I don’t know just do it. I did and I’m 5% happier. Approximately.
#FF @pooblemoo a gem. Follow her. She likes my writing. Entertaining, thought provoking and generous.
#FF @yeronlyman Belfast’s finest. Check him out. Always entertaining and informative. Bit like me really. Oh and modest too. Also like me.
#FF @notjustdad El Tel the tweeter/blogger. Check out his fine blog http://www.rocknrail.blogspot.co.uk
#FF @notjustmum the crafty maid of Kent. Check out her fab stuff on http://www.notjustmum.blogspot.co.uk
#FF @FemmeObtuseToo She is interested in others. That’s a rare gift. Some of us get wrapped up in our own worlds. Join her world. Follow her
#FF @IGLivingstone BoB – the Bard of Belfast. There you go that explains it. http://www.ianlivingstone.org -follow him and check him out
#FF @BenHatch makes the legs on occasional tables. Cuts through objects with his laser vision. Champion hard boiled egg eater of Hove 2011
#FF @PGarrard the man from the east. Well Norfolk and that’s east. Not as far as Singapore or Nepal. Or Romania or even Belgium. Admittedly.
#FF @FemmeObtuseToo I hope you lot were reading last week as I would be hard to top my superlatives. Just follow her and you won’t go wrong.
#FF @pooblemoo talented, inspirational and exceedingly modest chum. Follow her and grin like the Cheshire cat.
#FF @SKtheWombelle generous, cheery Blockheads groupie. Follow her and let the light in.
#FF @yeronlyman the Hong Kong Phooey of Belfast (number one superguy).
#FF @IGLivingstone the talented bloke from over there. Good chum and well worth a follow. I did and he can’t seem to shake me off?!
#FF @notjustdad booking ferry tickets to cross the channel just in case the spare tickets materialise for 15th.
#FF @notjustmum rapidly learning Dutch and Portuguese just in case a spare ticket is available for the 15th. Top everything person.
#FF @AFowlerPhoto chief footpath assessor for Bradford district. Photographer, wit, raconteur. Choose one of those and your sort of there.
#FF @BenHatch he’s successful, popular, charming and well loved. Now shut up about him and buy my bloody book.
#FF @yeronlyman just because you will be happier, more well informed and a little bit richer.
#FF @PGarrard for no other reason than I darn well think you should.
#FF @pooblemoo always makes you feel more important than before. Follow her because she makes you feel worthwhile
#FF @notjustdad the rocknrail king of the east. Check out http://www.rocknrail.blogspot.co.uk and buy my book. Did you spot that again?
#FF @notjustmum the crafty queen of East Anglia. Follow her but buy my book as well. Do you like my subliminal marketing strategy?
#FF @AFowlerPhoto takes a good photograph, writes a good tweet, lives in the land of my forefathers, treads the paths of my landscapes
Hope the recipients enjoyed the sentiments as much as the writer enjoyed the experience.