Holidays can be relaxing, restorative, enjoyable and occasionally memorable. Holidays can act as a catalyst to new beginnings. Holidays very occasionally shift the very earth on its axis. As you may have guessed it was so this August. A family holiday to Cornwall with fabulous weather and great surf was memorable.
The change in circumstances precipitated an even more memorable holiday. It is easier to pretend that change is not going to happen. The ostrich approach to facing up to life changes rarely works. I am now four months later In a state of acceptance that I probably denied for well over three years. I find myself single but not. I am no longer in a couple. I still live with my wife and children. In truth very little has changed. This can be confusing for others (a little for me as well) but arrangements have worked out.
Many thousands of couples separate and divorce. My story is not much different to others. How we deal with the separation and family arrangements may be. The reasons and the details are personal. Dealing with change and moving on are what concerns me.
Change isn’t always good. Change can be upsetting, frustrating and traumatic. It can also be invigorating and cathartic. I guess it depends in how you approach the new situation. I have the tendency to be self critical, negative and not one to embrace change. I have clinged on to the past and hoping that things will revert to past times. The discussions at the end of the holiday threw that out of the window. The relief of not clinging on is tremendous. The reality of a new reality is almost liberating. Balancing the old with the new is not easy.
Shared memories are still precious. Children are a constant bond. Children want their parents to be what they always were although without the dysfunctional stuff thrown in. Children deserve honesty
and support in a situation that affects them but is not about them.
What does the future hold ? In truth I have no idea now. I thought I knew but life moved on and now I have a new life. Maybe not knowing what lies in store is part of the excitement. I may meet someone who wants to share her life with me. I may stay single and forge a happy and fulfilled life on my own. I would just like to get through Christmas first and then think about the future.